Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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