Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
