You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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