It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
