i barfeds in our rink
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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