Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As shirtless as possible
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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