I am spending my child support on dildos
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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