you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
