yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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