Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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