I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize