Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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