Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
