At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
