he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
