We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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