I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
