He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize