Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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