U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
