how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
