They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
