i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
