Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
