first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
