I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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