You're completely useless in the revolution.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
