Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
