I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
