community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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