When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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