Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize