At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MIDGETS
????
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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