i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
