Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
