Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
