Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
