I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
