I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What drink are we having for lunch?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
