ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
