i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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