she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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