her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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