how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
