I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize