she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
