I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
