guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
