If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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