I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
