Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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