you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
