her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
