I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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