I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
