Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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