I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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