that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize