It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
