I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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