C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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