I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
