Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
