I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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