So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
