So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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